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Why did you ask me to smile?
Heero sat at his computer, not sure what had possessed him to send that
message. But something about the request tugged at him, inexplicably. He
surfed a bit, then realized his email icon was flashing; he had new mail.
Curious, he clicked on it, and read:
I wanted to see what you looked like happy. I've never seen a picture of you
smiling. Are you ever happy?
Duo waited, unable to leave the computer in case the other boy answered. He
hadn't believed it at first when he saw the email; but he had answered
quickly before he lost his nerve. He reloaded the email page over and over,
hoping that a new message would show up. Finally, after about the tenth time,
there it was. Then Duo stared at it for a moment, afraid to open it. The
thought that the sexy boy was sitting at his computer, just like him, right
now was almost too much for him to accept. Strangely enough, now that he was
actually talking to the boy, Duo wasn't even all that aroused. He was
half-hard, but the apprehension of what the other boy was going to say was
keeping his passion at bay for the moment. He finally got the courage up to
open the message.
That is a strange question. If I may ask, why do you care?
Heero didn't leave the computer this time. The speed at which the email had
returned before told him the sender was sitting at the computer just like
him. For some odd reason, he wanted this, wanted to talk to him. Wanted to
know why. He briefly considered asking him if he wanted to chat. What did the
other person want from him? He hadn't asked for anything... yet. It was
Heero's experience, though, that everybody wanted something from him. His
body or his money, it was always the same. But something about this person
felt different. He saw the email icon flash, and felt an unfamiliar feeling
in the pit of his stomach. It was anticipation.
I care, because you look so sad sometimes. I wish I could help you look
happy. Everyone deserves to be happy sometimes. This doesn't make any sense,
I'm sorry. Even if you never smile, I still think you're beautiful.
Duo felt like pounding his head on the desk. Why had he sent that? Now the
boy thought he was a stalker, or just another fan. But he had to say it,
because it was true. He fully expected not to hear from Little Boy Blue
again. But it would be enough, because for a brief moment there was contact.
He knew he sounded pathetic even to himself, but it was true. He still
couldn't stop checking his email, though. He was genuinely surprised when
there was a new message.
I have to tell you I have never done this before, talked to someone online.
It is very strange. Thank you for saying I am beautiful. No one has ever said
that to me either. It must be a day for firsts. I can't say that I am really
sad, but then again I guess I am not very happy either. I just am.
This was getting surreal. Heero didn't want to have this conversation, didn't
want to talk about himself with a total stranger, yet he couldn't stop. He
was really looking forward to the next email. This person, and the more Heero
corresponded with him, the more he thought this person was young, seemed sad
also. He decided to ask him in his next message if he wanted to chat.
I know that is not your real name, and I don't expect you to tell me it of
course. But I'll tell you mine. It is really Duo. Weird name, huh? It's just
that I never lie, and I wanted to be honest about my name. I totally
understand why you can't tell me yours, though.
I guess you can't be happy all the time, but everyone should have something
that makes them happy, even just a little. Don't you have something like that?
Duo realized the messages were slowly getting longer. They were having a real
dialogue. Blue was nothing like he had imagined. He seemed so melancholy,
even from his brief words. But then, you couldn't really tell much from an
email; there was no modulation to carry the intent across. So you had to take
the words at face value, and try not to infer. It wasn't easy, though. He
found he was holding his breath, waiting intently for the next message to
arrive. He knew there would be another. He just knew. And there it was.
You're right. I guess working on my computer makes me happy sometimes. A bit.
But I don't get to do that very much. My manager says I spend too much time
on the computer as it is.
Speaking of computers... would you like to chat? I can log onto the chat
server, and I can send you a private message. It would be faster than
emailing. If you want. You seem very interesting.
Heero winced at the tone of his message. It sounded so needy, like he was
desperate for someone to talk to. He wasn't, was he? But he felt something he
had never felt before, for Duo. Of course, Treize would say it was probably
some 50 year old guy, bald and fat, sitting in front of the computer in his
underwear. Heero shook his head. Fuck what Treize said. He wanted to talk to
Duo, and he didn't believe he looked like that. Heero had a feeling that the
other person wasn't any older than he was. He didn't know why he felt that,
but he did. He realized he had new mail already.
I'd love to chat, if you are sure. I know how the chat thing works, but I've
never really done it before. I'm laughing now, because there are lots of
things I've never done before. Anyway, my chat ID is my email, DMax17. I'll
log on now and wait for you to send me a message. If you want.
Duo logged on nervously. Would Little Boy Blue really want to talk to him?
But he had suggested it... Duo had to remind himself that the other boy had
no idea what he was like, how old, what he looked like. He probably thought
he was some pervert. But he had suggested it! Minutes seemed like hours, then
a small window popped up:
LBBlue wants to send you a private message. Will you accept?
Fuck yes, thought Duo, and clicked yes. The new window popped up. It felt
much more intimate.
LBBlue: Hello again.
Continued in part 4