Title: Kink
Pairing: Snape/Harry
Rating: R
Summary: Snape and Harry discuss sexual practices.
Note: Part of the Severus Snape Fuh-Q Fest (http://www.sockiipress.org/~luthien/snapeff/warning.html), scenario number 5: Snape hadn't realised that would be considered a fetish.
Disclaimers: Don't own, don't sue, don't ask, don't tell

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"You want me to do what?" Harry Potter, international Quidditch star, looked flabbergasted.

"You heard me," Snape retorted. "Everyone does it."

"They do not! I didn't!" Harry still looked shocked.

"You were clearly a late bloomer." Snape smirked and turned his back, stirring a potion.

"I was not!" Now the boy (Snape corrected himself, man, nineteen now and they'd been lovers for almost three years) looked insulted. This was going well.

"You were. I remember when you came to me in sixth year, you didn't even know how to masturbate properly," the Potions master sneered.

"I was pretending, because I had a crush on you, you idiot. I thought you knew that!" Harry protested.

This caused Snape to turn around and frown. "You were?"

"Of course I was! What boy reaches sixteen without knowing how to jerk off?" Harry laughed.

"How crude," Snape said. "So what boy reaches nineteen without doing that with his wand?"

"Plenty, I'm sure!" retorted Harry. "I'm sure it's illegal."

"It's not," replied Snape. "I checked."

"It sounds painful," Harry tried.

"It's not. Let me show you," suggested Snape.

"No! It's weird!" Harry said.

"It isn't. Perfectly normal. I just want to see you do it." Snape tried to soften his tone, knowing his young lover responded better to entreaties than commands.

Harry looked torn. "It just seems so... odd. Kinky."

"Kinky is when I tie you to the bed and use the nipple clamps," leered Snape. "This isn't kinky."

"Yes it is! It's one of those... what are they called... fetish things!" Harry finished triumphantly.

"Fetish?" Snape asked skeptically. "No it's not, you silly boy."

"I hate when you call me that," snapped Harry. "And that's exactly what it is. A fetish."

Snape protested, "A fetish is an object that is believed to have magical or spiritual powers."

"No it's not. It's a sexual thing not practiced by the general populace," Harry replied.

"We're not the general populace," Snape pointed out.

"That's not the point," snapped Harry.

"This is," Snape replied, holding up Harry's wand.

"Stop it," said Harry irritably. "And why does it have to be my wand? Why not yours?"

"It's better with a person's own wand, it's more in tune with your magical signature," Snape explained. Then he added, "Plus, I don't want to have to clean mine off afterward."

"You prat!" exclaimed Harry. "You're making all this up."

"I've never lied to you, Harry." Snape considered. "Well, not much. And never about sex."

"This isn't sex! It's kinky!" Harry said.

"And what's wrong with that?" Snape demanded. "What's happened to that famous Gryffindor courage? Afraid to try something new?"

"Never!" exclaimed Harry, and Snape had to hide a grin. It was too easy.

"So you'll do it then?" leered Snape.

"Of course I will!" snapped Harry. "Wait a minute. You did it again, damn it."

"Did what?" asked Snape, with as close an approximation of innocence he could muster.

"You're impossible," growled Harry.

"Some would say that *we* are impossible," replied Snape. "Yet here we are, three years later."

Harry's expression softened. "You're right. You're not really the dirty old man they all thought you were."

Snape scowled at him. "And you're not the mindless, overindulged spoiled brat they thought you were. Oh, wait. That was me that thought that."

Harry rolled his eyes, well used to his lover's irascibility. "And you love me for it."

"I most certainly do not," retorted Snape. "I love you for your tight little ass."

Harry laughed. "And I love you for your sunny disposition."

Snape looked at him speculatively. "So you'll do it?"

Harry sighed. "Oh, all right. For you." He walked to the bedroom, carrying his wand. He looked back over his shoulder as he did and added, "But I still say it's a fetish."

The End